Team Women & ADHD: A look back, a look ahead

0:00 [SPEAKER_01]: When I would tell other people with ADHD that I was diagnosed, they would cheer for me.

0:05 [SPEAKER_01]: And I do the same for new diagnosed people.

0:07 [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like congrats on your diagnosis.

0:09 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my goodness.

0:10 [SPEAKER_01]: They get in.

0:11 [SPEAKER_01]: They get in an adult diagnosis.

0:13 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like a window opening.

0:15 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a lifeline and a chance to understand yourself.

0:18 [SPEAKER_01]: It brings a lot of relief.

0:20 [SPEAKER_01]: But it also brings a lot of grief.

0:26 [SPEAKER_01]: Hello and welcome to the women and ADHD podcast.

0:30 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host, Katie Weber.

0:32 [SPEAKER_01]: I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of forty five and it completely turned my world upside down.

0:38 [SPEAKER_01]: I've been looking back at so much of my life, school, jobs, my relationships, all of it with this new lens and it has been nothing short of overwhelming.

0:49 [SPEAKER_01]: I quickly discovered I was not the only woman to have this experience and now I interview other women who like me discovered in adulthood they have ADHD and are finally feeling like they understand who they are and how to best lean into their strengths both professionally and personally.

1:06 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, hello and welcome to episode two hundred of the women in ADHD podcast.

1:12 [SPEAKER_01]: Wow, it spells so good to say that.

1:15 [SPEAKER_01]: It has been such a long journey and such an incredible journey.

1:21 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I just wanted to take an opportunity to just

1:24 [SPEAKER_01]: celebrated and so i thought what better way to celebrate it than to look back but also look ahead and the best way i thought to do that would be to think about or talk about with you for a little bit i'm not usually one who just comes on here and talks for a bit but i thought you know

1:41 [SPEAKER_01]: This little project that I started in the pandemic and has grown into something so phenomenal for me and hopefully for some of you I don't know if this is the first episode you're listening to if you've listened to a handful or if you've listened to them all but thank you so much for coming along on this journey with me.

1:57 [SPEAKER_01]: And I thought I would take us some time and talk about some of the things that I've learned in these two hundred episodes from the most amazing women that I've had the opportunity to interview.

2:10 [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going to reflect on some of the themes that I've noticed over the years.

2:14 [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, I thought I'd also take a look ahead at the future of women in ADHD and where we're going and introduce you to some of the newest members of the women in ADHD coaching team.

2:26 [SPEAKER_01]: So true confession when I started this podcast I hadn't actually been diagnosed before or I hadn't actually been diagnosed with ADHD yet and I think I probably mentioned this in past episodes but like I had already decided I had it and of course I had gone into hyper-focused research mode as we always do and the more I was learning about ADHD the more felt like

2:48 [SPEAKER_01]: Every seemingly random thing in my life, every seemingly random struggle I'd ever experienced in my life since childhood could be traced back to ADHD.

2:58 [SPEAKER_01]: And it was so overwhelming, it was so profound.

3:00 [SPEAKER_01]: And I desperately wanted to talk to other women about their experiences.

3:04 [SPEAKER_01]: So I was like, it'll be kind of weird to just, you know, get in touch with strangers and ask them to chat with me.

3:09 [SPEAKER_01]: So naturally I thought I'll start a podcast.

3:12 [SPEAKER_01]: I was in an ADHD entrepreneur's Facebook group and I posted there something like, hey, come share your story and promote your business and talk to me about your diagnosis.

3:22 [SPEAKER_01]: So

3:23 [SPEAKER_01]: That's kind of how it started.

3:24 [SPEAKER_01]: I had the name.

3:25 [SPEAKER_01]: I had the logo.

3:26 [SPEAKER_01]: Of course, I bought all the equipment.

3:27 [SPEAKER_01]: I was super interested in microphones and the right headphones and everything.

3:32 [SPEAKER_01]: And the first three or four interviews I actually recorded before I was diagnosed and I kept thinking to myself, like, what if my doctor tells me I don't have ADHD?

3:40 [SPEAKER_01]: What am I going to do?

3:41 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so in love with this project in this podcast.

3:44 [SPEAKER_01]: Do I keep going?

3:45 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.

3:46 [SPEAKER_01]: And I was so worried that my doctor wouldn't believe me, which of course now I realized looking back that that's very common and very understandable for those of us facing an adult diagnosis.

3:56 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, of course, we're going to worry that nobody believes us.

4:00 [SPEAKER_01]: Of course, the opposite happened.

4:02 [SPEAKER_01]: I showed up with all of my paperwork and my went, you know, shuffling all of my self tests that I had taken and showing her everything and and all this list of symptoms and you're stammering about so many things at once and she was basically like

4:16 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you had me at hello.

4:19 [SPEAKER_01]: So luckily, I did actually get diagnosed, so I could keep going with the podcast.

4:24 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's how it started.

4:26 [SPEAKER_01]: I thought I would break down some of the more common themes and revelations that I've witnessed over the past years of chatting with women.

4:32 [SPEAKER_01]: Because now I've got lists like phenomenological data of all of these stories and really noticing a lot of

4:39 [SPEAKER_01]: interesting trends and a lot of things that we have in common.

4:43 [SPEAKER_01]: So I figured I would put them together in a nice organized list for us.

4:47 [SPEAKER_01]: Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list.

4:49 [SPEAKER_01]: I think I could probably come up with a list of a hundred things that I've learned maybe a thousand.

4:54 [SPEAKER_01]: But these were just sort of the top ten that came to mind when I was trying to put this episode together.

4:59 [SPEAKER_01]: So I think the first one is how often those of us asked the question, what is wrong with me?

5:06 [SPEAKER_01]: prior to our diagnosis.

5:07 [SPEAKER_01]: Like before we have the language of ADHD, before we had a diagnosis, before we even knew what executive functioning was, we all asked what is wrong with me in our own myriad ways.

5:20 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, why can't I get it together?

5:22 [SPEAKER_01]: Why can't I just do the damn thing?

5:24 [SPEAKER_01]: Why does everything feel so hard?

5:28 [SPEAKER_01]: Why is my family

5:29 [SPEAKER_01]: walking on egg shells around me.

5:31 [SPEAKER_01]: Why am I getting so angry all this time?

5:33 [SPEAKER_01]: Why do I try so hard and still fall short?

5:39 [SPEAKER_01]: Basically, what's wrong with me?

5:40 [SPEAKER_01]: And I feel like that question, the confusion and the frustration is often the first breadcrumbs for a diagnosis.

5:49 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's one of those things that now when I'm working with clients, I'm always looking for that question of what's wrong with me.

5:56 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, and sadly for so many of us that constant frustration and confusion about why we think differently or why things don't make sense to us.

6:05 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it turns into a depression diagnosis for many of us because we feel like failures in life.

6:11 [SPEAKER_01]: We don't feel like we're adulting very well or we feel like we're disappointing everybody in our life.

6:17 [SPEAKER_01]: we want so hard to get it right and we just can't or it turns into an anxiety diagnosis because it's like we're constantly bracing for the next mistake or the next forgotten appointment or you know again disappointing other people so we try so hard to

6:35 [SPEAKER_01]: get a system in place and we end up in overwhelm and we end up constantly exhausted and we can't explain why.

6:42 [SPEAKER_01]: And so we're always on edge.

6:44 [SPEAKER_01]: We're trying to control this chaos with sheer willpower.

6:48 [SPEAKER_01]: And when that doesn't work, we just assume we're the problem.

6:51 [SPEAKER_01]: So if you find yourself asking those questions all the time, what's wrong with me?

6:55 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a good clue that you might want to look into ADHD or if you are listening to this episode and wondering if you have it or thinking you want to see good diagnosis, it's a pretty good sign that you're on the right path.

7:06 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's often the sign that your brain has been working over time to survive in a world that was never built for you.

7:13 [SPEAKER_01]: Number two, let's call this the diagnostic detour.

7:17 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, one of the most consistent patterns I've seen throughout these episodes is just how long it takes to get

7:23 [SPEAKER_01]: the ADHD diagnosis for so many of us.

7:25 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, obviously things are changing.

7:27 [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks to social media and clinicians learning to better understand the signs.

7:32 [SPEAKER_01]: But dance.

7:33 [SPEAKER_01]: So many of us were diagnosed with something else first, either depression or anxiety or both.

7:40 [SPEAKER_01]: Many of my guests have been diagnosed with bipolar or borderline personality disorder.

7:46 [SPEAKER_01]: And we're so often treated for depressed mood or lack of motivation or some form of complex trauma, but we are never treated for executive function.

7:57 [SPEAKER_01]: It certainly was a term I had never heard of before I was diagnosed with ADHD, something I've talked about many times on the podcast.

8:04 [SPEAKER_01]: as far as I'm concerned, it's central to living with ADHD.

8:08 [SPEAKER_01]: And I had never heard of it.

8:10 [SPEAKER_01]: And nor is it ever talked about.

8:13 [SPEAKER_01]: Very rarely talked about it in a diagnosis.

8:15 [SPEAKER_01]: That said, the symptoms were there along.

8:17 [SPEAKER_01]: They were just misinterpreted or simply misunderstood.

8:21 [SPEAKER_01]: And sadly, they were disregarded or just not believed.

8:24 [SPEAKER_01]: And that needs to change.

8:26 [SPEAKER_01]: Which brings me to number three, which is the co-occurring autoimmune and chronic health conditions that are disproportionately common in neurodivergent women.

8:36 [SPEAKER_01]: I have seen a striking overlap between ADHD and conditions like Hashimoto's, endometriosis, fibromyalgia,

8:46 [SPEAKER_01]: PCOS, pots.

8:48 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I could probably count on one hand, maybe two, the number of guests I've had who haven't had some kind of co-occurring autoimmune disorder.

8:57 [SPEAKER_01]: And this is not just me discovering this.

8:58 [SPEAKER_01]: It's obviously, it's all over the internet.

9:00 [SPEAKER_01]: And you can Google this and read more about it, but it's just a shared thread of nervous system, dysregulation, and chronic stress overload.

9:08 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not just a coincidence.

9:10 [SPEAKER_01]: And when we mask, when we don't get the help we need,

9:13 [SPEAKER_01]: when we encounter systemic stressors like, I don't know, being chronically dismissed by the medical establishment.

9:20 [SPEAKER_01]: Our bodies start to react.

9:23 [SPEAKER_01]: They start to scream out in pain and they're saying, like, yo, we are not okay.

9:28 [SPEAKER_01]: So more research definitely needs to happen on the topic of neurodivergence and dysregulated nervous systems and autoimmune dysfunction because, you know, it's a quote Katie Osborne, that venn diagram is like a stack of pancakes.

9:41 [SPEAKER_01]: So, number four, as I mentioned earlier, it almost always comes down to executive function challenges, which are frequently mistaken for character flaws.

9:49 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, before my diagnosis, I never used to say, honey, I'm struggling with task initiation.

9:55 [SPEAKER_01]: I would say, it's not that hard.

9:58 [SPEAKER_01]: Why am I so lazy?

9:59 [SPEAKER_01]: What's wrong with me?

10:01 [SPEAKER_01]: I would never say things like my working memory is compromised and I need effective support and structures.

10:08 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I don't say that now, obviously.

10:09 [SPEAKER_01]: But like back then, I used to just say things like, oh my god, I'm such an idiot.

10:14 [SPEAKER_01]: We said those things because they were likely said to us over and over again in childhood.

10:19 [SPEAKER_01]: So that internalized shame starts young and it runs deep.

10:22 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, number five, the diagnostic statistical manual, otherwise known as the DSM, does not represent our experience and that needs to change.

10:34 [SPEAKER_01]: Most of us, if we were handed the actual DSM criteria for ADHD before our diagnosis, would have probably said, oh, that's not me.

10:42 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not hyperactive.

10:43 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't have a focus issue.

10:45 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not disruptive in meetings.

10:48 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just, I don't know, really bad at adulting and I'm perpetually exhausted.

10:52 [SPEAKER_01]: But what many of us are struggling with doesn't always show up on the official checklist.

10:57 [SPEAKER_01]: It shows up in the margins as time blindness or emotional dysregulation or rejection sensitivity.

11:04 [SPEAKER_01]: executive function collapse that deep chronic shame spiral we've been living with for years like those aren't side effects they're central to the ADHD experience and women especially women diagnosed in adulthood but the DSM diagnostic criteria for ADHD is currently based largely on research with young

11:23 [SPEAKER_01]: white boys exhibiting hyperactivity in school settings.

11:27 [SPEAKER_01]: So those behaviors were disruptive, observable, and problematic to adults, especially teachers.

11:34 [SPEAKER_01]: So this means that the criteria were built around externalized behaviors in academic behavioral impairment, not the internal experiences that many women or AFAB folks describe, like constant overthinking, chronic overwhelm.

11:48 [SPEAKER_01]: in tense emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitivity, or years of functional masking.

11:54 [SPEAKER_01]: So when the lived experience doesn't match the checklist, the problem isn't necessarily that the experience is invalid, it's that the checklist is incomplete.

12:04 [SPEAKER_01]: So if you've been thinking you might have ADHD, but you've been dismissed by a clinician or a parent or a spouse because you don't fit the criteria, keep going.

12:14 [SPEAKER_01]: You are the expert of your lived experience.

12:17 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, number six.

12:19 [SPEAKER_01]: We don't necessarily pathologize this diagnosis, but it can bring with it a lot of grief.

12:25 [SPEAKER_01]: When I was diagnosed with ADHD, and I would tell other people who didn't really know anything about neurodivergence, they would say, I'm so sorry to hear that, or I didn't realize you were struggling.

12:36 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, no shit.

12:38 [SPEAKER_01]: But like when I would tell other people with ADHD that I was diagnosed, they would cheer for me, and I do the same for new diagnosed people.

12:45 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like,

12:45 [SPEAKER_01]: Congrats on your diagnosis!

12:47 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my goodness!

12:48 [SPEAKER_01]: They get in!

12:49 [SPEAKER_01]: They get in an adult diagnosis.

12:50 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like a window opening.

12:53 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a lifeline and a chance to understand yourself.

12:56 [SPEAKER_01]: It brings a lot of relief.

12:58 [SPEAKER_01]: But it also brings a lot of grief.

13:00 [SPEAKER_01]: There's a sense of mourning.

13:02 [SPEAKER_01]: Why didn't anyone see the signs?

13:03 [SPEAKER_01]: Why didn't I get the help I needed?

13:05 [SPEAKER_01]: How am I my life have been different if I had known earlier?

13:09 [SPEAKER_01]: which brings me to number seven.

13:10 [SPEAKER_01]: Community is medicine.

13:12 [SPEAKER_01]: I've been saying this for years.

13:13 [SPEAKER_01]: I think one of the most central and vital ways to treat your ADHD is through community.

13:18 [SPEAKER_01]: Find your people.

13:20 [SPEAKER_01]: Hearing each other's stories is what heals us.

13:23 [SPEAKER_01]: That moment of, oh my God, I thought I was just me.

13:25 [SPEAKER_01]: Like that's where the real work begins.

13:28 [SPEAKER_01]: That's why this podcast exists.

13:30 [SPEAKER_01]: That's why everybody talks about it so much on social media.

13:33 [SPEAKER_01]: because binding each other, sharing our stories, invalidating our experiences is so important.

13:39 [SPEAKER_01]: It's more than just sharing photos about our doom boxes.

13:42 [SPEAKER_01]: It's truly, curative and healing.

13:46 [SPEAKER_01]: So the fact that you're listening to this episode really gives me hope that you've already been looking and hopefully have found ways to feel understood and less alone.

13:54 [SPEAKER_01]: So keep it up.

13:55 [SPEAKER_01]: A sense of belonging is so nourishing and important and vital to living with neurodivergence.

14:01 [SPEAKER_01]: And it doesn't have to be a huge group of people.

14:03 [SPEAKER_01]: In fact, I'm not a fan of large groups myself.

14:05 [SPEAKER_01]: It could just be one or two friends who really see you and never judge you or make you feel ashamed.

14:11 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, number nine.

14:13 [SPEAKER_01]: Most of the women I've met with ADHD are not hot messes who are chronically late.

14:19 [SPEAKER_01]: the majority of us do not fit that stereotype.

14:22 [SPEAKER_01]: Women with ADHD are brilliant and funny and creative and often we're straight-a students and we're business owners and caregivers and we're juggling a million tasks until we crash.

14:36 [SPEAKER_01]: We often look successful on the outside, but underneath is this chronic burnout and this perfectionism and a lifetime of masking and exhaustion.

14:45 [SPEAKER_01]: And I always like to joke that nobody got their diagnosis because they were like, I'm doing amazing.

14:50 [SPEAKER_01]: I think I need a name for this superpower.

14:53 [SPEAKER_01]: Usually, some catalysts come along to break that damn.

14:56 [SPEAKER_01]: For me, it was locked down in twenty twenty.

14:59 [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it's triggered by college or motherhood or perimenopause or simply just getting to that age where you're like done with masking and people pleasing.

15:08 [SPEAKER_01]: You don't give a fuck anymore and you're like, or all of the above, I don't know.

15:13 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, how many times have I said, maybe in ADHD or maybe I'm just a feminist tired of living in this dumpster fire of a country.

15:20 [SPEAKER_01]: Whatever it is, we are smart and empathetic and curious and deeply good people.

15:27 [SPEAKER_01]: We're just the last ones in our lives to believe it often.

15:30 [SPEAKER_01]: And hopefully that changes for you with this diagnosis.

15:34 [SPEAKER_01]: I know it did for me.

15:35 [SPEAKER_01]: And that mindset shift, that was what dramatically changed my life.

15:41 [SPEAKER_01]: It's what told me I could go back to grad school to become a therapist.

15:45 [SPEAKER_01]: It's what told me I'm a good wife and I'm a good mother.

15:49 [SPEAKER_01]: Alright, I lied that last one was number eight.

15:51 [SPEAKER_01]: So this is number nine.

15:53 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, traditional therapy didn't always

15:56 [SPEAKER_01]: get us.

15:57 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's a problem.

15:59 [SPEAKER_01]: Many of us have had a good experience with therapy.

16:01 [SPEAKER_01]: I certainly did.

16:02 [SPEAKER_01]: It was back to us, my therapist who helped me get my diagnosis.

16:06 [SPEAKER_01]: But I mean, often one of the most infuriating things I've seen from many of you is how often you've sat across from therapists who just didn't get it.

16:17 [SPEAKER_01]: Or we were told, well, you're just depressed.

16:19 [SPEAKER_01]: Nobody was there to help us to say, like, this is how we get things done.

16:24 [SPEAKER_01]: And I feel like so many of us have spent years in therapy being treated for anxiety, depression, or disorder eating, or trauma, or all of the above.

16:34 [SPEAKER_01]: While the core issue of executive dysfunction was never addressed.

16:38 [SPEAKER_01]: And I believe in therapy.

16:39 [SPEAKER_01]: I think therapy is a very powerful tool for people with ADHD.

16:43 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm literally in grad school right now to become therapists because I believe in it that much.

16:49 [SPEAKER_01]: But ADHD therapy has to look different.

16:52 [SPEAKER_01]: It has to be more informed, more integrative, more practical.

16:57 [SPEAKER_01]: We need the depth of therapy and we need the structure of coaching, which brings me to number ten, which is mindset coaching.

17:06 [SPEAKER_01]: Mindset coaching for ADHD is transformative.

17:09 [SPEAKER_01]: It's life changing and we need more of it.

17:12 [SPEAKER_01]: If you've listened to this podcast for a while now, I'm obviously a big proponent of coaching for ADHD.

17:19 [SPEAKER_01]: I genuinely do not believe I would still be doing this work or this podcast five years later if it wasn't A for my diagnosis, but B for finding the right coach.

17:28 [SPEAKER_01]: And my coach, so shout out to L'Oréal, Strauss Gates, simply leap.

17:32 [SPEAKER_01]: She never handed me a plan or, you know, she never developed a morning routine that was gonna fix my life and finally get me to answer my emails or become some sort of step-furred wife and get more done in the day.

17:43 [SPEAKER_01]: None of that happened.

17:44 [SPEAKER_01]: She didn't impart to me any secret wisdom that's out there that everybody but me knew.

17:49 [SPEAKER_01]: But what she did was simple.

17:51 [SPEAKER_01]: She encouraged me to believe in myself.

17:54 [SPEAKER_01]: She helped me articulate what I even wanted to achieve and she kept me accountable.

18:00 [SPEAKER_01]: She helped me to stop questioning my own way of doing things or declare that I'm a hot mess.

18:06 [SPEAKER_01]: She really helped me lean into the fact that, yeah, I mean, sometimes I am a hot mess.

18:11 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm also really smart and driven.

18:14 [SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes I need help to get from point A to B and that's okay.

18:18 [SPEAKER_01]: Two things can be true at once.

18:20 [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, coaching helped me reframe my mindset from I'm lazy into I need support.

18:27 [SPEAKER_01]: which brings me to the next half of this episode where we look ahead at the future of women and ADHD.

18:35 [SPEAKER_01]: And I am so excited because behind the scenes women and ADHD has slowly been growing.

18:41 [SPEAKER_01]: We've been growing into a team of ADHD coaches and every single one of the members of my team also believes in the same strengths-based neurodivergent affirming radically validating approach.

18:54 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, these are women who get it, not just clinically, but personally.

18:59 [SPEAKER_01]: And you might remember a few of them from previous episodes of this podcast because they all have ADHD and their fellow travelers on this journey.

19:08 [SPEAKER_01]: So now I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce them to you.

19:11 [SPEAKER_01]: I recently sat down with each of them to talk about what they love about coaching and what got them into coaching in the first place.

19:17 [SPEAKER_01]: There's Tasha Post who you may remember from episode eighteen and Emily Weinberg who I interviewed in episode one hundred and twenty two and Lindsay Buchanan who her interview will be coming out later this year.

19:32 [SPEAKER_01]: So keep an eye out for it.

19:34 [SPEAKER_01]: Now our fourth coach, Morgan Meredith, who I interviewed back in episode one hundred and forty seven, is currently on maternity leave.

19:41 [SPEAKER_01]: But she's been leading our group coaching for the last couple of years and she is amazing and I miss her so shout out to Morgan and her family.

19:48 [SPEAKER_01]: You can find out more about all of these incredible women if you head to women in ADHD.com slash coaching and you can always book a free coaching consult with any of them.

19:59 [SPEAKER_01]: Hopefully some of what they say today will resonate with you because I wholeheartedly endorse any of them.

20:05 [SPEAKER_01]: I think they're amazing and I know you will too.

20:07 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, first up is Emily, who used to be an elementary school teacher.

20:11 [SPEAKER_01]: She lives with her wife and her kids outside of Boston.

20:14 [SPEAKER_01]: And I just love the fact that my relationship with Evely went from having her on as a guest because she actually wrote to me and said, basically, I love listening to your podcast, but sometimes it makes me feel worse about myself to hear all of these guests who are successful and inspiring and have their lives together.

20:29 [SPEAKER_01]: What about the rest of us who are flailing?

20:32 [SPEAKER_01]: So I invited her onto the podcast to talk about herself and I just loved what she had to say I instantly felt a connection with her and as did many of you list nurse because it was a very popular episode.

20:43 [SPEAKER_01]: And now here we are just two and a half years later and not only is Emily working as a coach as an ADHD coach but now I'm proud to call her friend and have her as part of the women in ADHD team.

20:54 [SPEAKER_01]: So here's my conversation with Emily.

20:56 [SPEAKER_01]: At what point were you like, I feel like I want to do this.

20:59 [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like I want to become a coach.

21:01 [SPEAKER_03]: I remember actually exactly, and I was in the coaching program that I was in, like the not me learning to be a coach, but like the coaching community.

21:13 [SPEAKER_03]: And somebody I posted about having just like applied or something for like a coaching school to be a coach.

21:24 [SPEAKER_03]: And this is about maybe like a year or a year and a half until like how long I had been in this program and I just got such a like it was like this like paying of jealousy like oh, that's so cool.

21:37 [SPEAKER_03]: I want to do that.

21:38 [SPEAKER_03]: I actually really remember is very similar to a same feeling that I got what I was teaching one of my co-workers.

21:46 [SPEAKER_03]: I think she had

21:48 [SPEAKER_03]: not quit, but this is going to be her last year and she was leaving.

21:52 [SPEAKER_03]: And I also have this really jealous, like, I want to leave too.

21:57 [SPEAKER_03]: So it would be so nice.

21:59 [SPEAKER_03]: And I did it.

22:00 [SPEAKER_03]: I did it.

22:01 [SPEAKER_03]: And there was lots of reasons for that.

22:02 [SPEAKER_03]: But so when I got that like paying of jealousy, I had been in this program for so long that I kind of had the tools then to like, instead of just like, a little pasted to kind of be like,

22:15 [SPEAKER_03]: Okay, well, A, what's going on?

22:17 [SPEAKER_03]: And B, why do I feel like I just have to stick with jealousy as though this is something that I could never do?

22:24 [SPEAKER_03]: Why am I just kind of like staying there?

22:26 [SPEAKER_03]: And that was kind of what it was.

22:29 [SPEAKER_03]: It was just like, oh, like that actually would be, I think that is exactly what I want to do.

22:37 [SPEAKER_03]: And it felt very uncomfortable and there was lots of reasons why it felt very uncomfortable and I had, you know, some narratives around like how could you possibly help somebody else with their like what would make you qualified to help somebody else with all of this when you're right there in it with them.

22:58 [SPEAKER_03]: And then that actually really quickly changed to like that's actually what would make me really qualified to help somebody.

23:05 [SPEAKER_03]: with this because I've experienced it.

23:08 [SPEAKER_03]: I know what this is like.

23:09 [SPEAKER_03]: I can understand what people are going through.

23:12 [SPEAKER_03]: I really have that lived experience of how hard this processes as well as like how hard things have been in the past and especially when you kind of don't understand why they're so hard.

23:27 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know, and then from there, it kind of just in a very ADHD Mandarin.

23:34 [SPEAKER_03]: not methodical way evolved.

23:39 [SPEAKER_03]: And here you are.

23:47 [SPEAKER_01]: What are the little moments when you're working with clients that make it all worth it?

23:52 [SPEAKER_03]: I think at the very beginning, when I can sense that somebody has just rambled on and on and on,

24:03 [SPEAKER_03]: And has this like very hesitant like oh is that like weird like you do get what I mean and I'm just like yeah totally.

24:13 [SPEAKER_03]: And there's this like almost, okay, whoa, like that's never happened before, right?

24:20 [SPEAKER_03]: I think when that first moment of like, oh my god, somebody who didn't just hear what I said and is kind of giving me those eyes like, I don't know what your problem is.

24:34 [SPEAKER_03]: And it kind of just stobles from there, this sense of like they can show up, frazzled.

24:40 [SPEAKER_03]: They can show up most of my clients show up five or ten minutes late because chart and actually fifty, fifty.

24:47 [SPEAKER_03]: Some show up right on time.

24:49 [SPEAKER_03]: If they're a few minutes like they don't have to profusely apologize if they interrupt me mid sentence, they don't have to feel like garbage because I'm like, yes, interrupt me.

24:56 [SPEAKER_03]: What was your thought?

24:57 [SPEAKER_03]: What did you?

24:57 [SPEAKER_03]: What did you want to tell me?

24:59 [SPEAKER_03]: If they start telling this very meendering story and then go, I don't even know why I started telling that.

25:07 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, here's what I asked and like that's actually really interesting.

25:11 [SPEAKER_03]: It's like,

25:12 [SPEAKER_03]: At the first there's like all these attempts to like apologize for how they're showing up and like almost show this like embarrassment over it and

25:26 [SPEAKER_03]: when they get this feedback of like, I love me and during stories, I hate linear stories.

25:31 [SPEAKER_03]: I will zone out, like, tell me all, bought back and forth.

25:35 [SPEAKER_03]: Like, that's how I know you're making sense of it all.

25:39 [SPEAKER_03]: And it's like this, like, yes, that is how I'm making sense of it.

25:43 [SPEAKER_03]: And so I don't know, it's just this very gradual process of like, somebody showing up just like so scared.

25:51 [SPEAKER_03]: to kind of just be how they are into this very cool.

25:57 [SPEAKER_03]: I can really just like show up and just let it all out and I will not feel like judged or shamed or embarrassed or any of that.

26:08 [SPEAKER_03]: And that's like my favorite.

26:10 [SPEAKER_03]: I just love that a lot.

26:12 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, well, and it's so powerful too to hear you say, yeah, that is a preferable reason.

26:19 [SPEAKER_01]: Like that makes total sense to some people.

26:22 [SPEAKER_01]: It may be not everybody, but like it makes total sense and the way you are doing things is not wrong and and just being able to offer that, I think is so powerful.

26:30 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, just continuing to kind of validate that this thing that they have felt like they've been apologizing for their whole life.

26:38 [SPEAKER_03]: Like, yeah, of course, they just had a client today who we've been talking a lot about like thought downloads and like brain dumps and she's been really reluctant to do that stuff.

26:49 [SPEAKER_03]: And she just showed me one of them today and it was this like web and like they were like circles over here and boxes over here.

26:56 [SPEAKER_03]: And she had mentioned that like this to her doesn't feel like a proper brain jump like this feels a bit embarrassing because it's almost like it's like a crazy mess like this it's not it's not linear it's not in order.

27:10 [SPEAKER_03]: And so she's been really reluctant to do that.

27:13 [SPEAKER_03]: And we were just talking about how like, but is your brain?

27:16 [SPEAKER_03]: Are the thoughts in your brain linear?

27:18 [SPEAKER_03]: Are they in order because like a dump is just supposed to be getting it out of you?

27:24 [SPEAKER_03]: And this is perfect because this is what it looks like in your brain.

27:29 [SPEAKER_03]: And this is how you can make sense of it once it's out on paper.

27:32 [SPEAKER_03]: And somewhere along the way, you've been taught that that's like kind of crazy or not okay or like you really need to

27:39 [SPEAKER_03]: think or present your ideas in different ways.

27:42 [SPEAKER_03]: And so then you just like shut it all down.

27:44 [SPEAKER_03]: And she finally did this and it was like so helpful for her.

27:48 [SPEAKER_03]: She was actually like moving towards the things that she was trying to do.

27:54 [SPEAKER_03]: But it just took somebody else saying like, what's wrong with that's perfect.

27:59 [SPEAKER_03]: That's exactly how your brain is operating right now.

28:02 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not wrong.

28:03 [SPEAKER_01]: It's your brain.

28:05 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think it speaks so much to that neurodivergent experience of like, I don't know if I'm doing this right.

28:11 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if I'm feeling the right way right now.

28:14 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if I'm reacting the right like the as if there is a right way and then our way and then as opposed to just saying like this is how I'm feeling this is how I do things that you know, and that's that at peace in that that acceptance.

28:27 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and it makes sense because think about how much negative feedback people with ADHD who have tried to do things differently or tried to do things their way have gotten throughout life around like, why is it organized like this?

28:40 [SPEAKER_03]: Like why is it written like this?

28:42 [SPEAKER_03]: Why?

28:43 [SPEAKER_03]: That's so confusing presented.

28:44 [SPEAKER_03]: Whatever it is like all that negative feedback just of course you're gonna get to this place where you just kind of always feel like you're doing it wrong.

28:52 [SPEAKER_03]: And that just sucks because like who designated the right and wrong way to do stuff?

28:57 [SPEAKER_03]: an irritable person, obviously.

28:59 [SPEAKER_03]: I know, right.

29:00 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, this is the part of, like, after the diagnosis where you get really angry and you're, uh, I still am where you're like, I need to advocate, right?

29:08 [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

29:08 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, that's one of the things I always say to my clients to like, who says that?

29:12 [SPEAKER_01]: Who says so?

29:12 [SPEAKER_01]: Or you're just like, that's it.

29:14 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's burn it all down.

29:15 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

29:17 [SPEAKER_01]: Alright, next up is Tasha, who I found on Instagram shortly after my diagnosis.

29:23 [SPEAKER_01]: And I just fell in love with her humor and her positive attitude and her love of yoga.

29:27 [SPEAKER_01]: And of course, I love that she was Canadian and she was someone I reached out to very early on in my podcast journey.

29:33 [SPEAKER_01]: I thought we would talk mostly about yoga and ADHD but instead we got really deep on dozens of other topics as we tend to do on this podcast and I just felt so close with her after such a short time.

29:45 [SPEAKER_01]: She has that wonderful quality about her and we've stayed in touch.

29:48 [SPEAKER_01]: She and her husband have two kids since I first interviewed her and I also was super excited and not very surprised when I heard she was becoming an ADHD coach because I instantly knew she would be tremendous at it and any client would benefit tremendously.

30:03 [SPEAKER_01]: by working with her.

30:05 [SPEAKER_01]: So here is my conversation with Tasha.

30:07 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

30:08 [SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, what I would ask you is we're no stranger to career pifists.

30:12 [SPEAKER_01]: You've had a few.

30:13 [SPEAKER_01]: You've had a handful at this point.

30:14 [SPEAKER_01]: It's had plenty of us.

30:17 [SPEAKER_01]: What was going on?

30:17 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, what made you think that ADHD coaching was the next step for you?

30:22 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

30:23 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, coaching was the next step for me because I was working as a clinical speech therapist.

30:29 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was not happy.

30:31 [SPEAKER_02]: And I knew I wanted to help people, but I also needed to be free of bureaucracy.

30:39 [SPEAKER_02]: Just the inefficiency of it all.

30:42 [SPEAKER_02]: I found it just so frustrating.

30:44 [SPEAKER_02]: And there was also a piece with speech therapy.

30:46 [SPEAKER_02]: I was working with a lot of people who had degenerative conditions who were nonverbal, who, you know, I could only really relate to and theory.

30:54 [SPEAKER_02]: And I really wanted to connect to the people I worked with on a more, like on a way that I could really relate.

30:59 [SPEAKER_02]: because I felt like so often I gave people suggestions that just were not fits and then we just couldn't figure out a way to make things work.

31:07 [SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes because there was just a level I could not, I could not understand.

31:11 [SPEAKER_02]: And I had my recent diagnosis with ADHD and I was listening to a lot of podcasts, doing a lot of research as the ADHDers usually do and I came across the idea of ADHD coaching and just something like resonated with me, like I felt it in my body, like I got hit with something like that's it.

31:29 [SPEAKER_02]: That's what I want to do.

31:30 [SPEAKER_02]: That's the thing I'm going to do.

31:32 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was still a speech therapist, but I just knew like that's what I was supposed to do.

31:37 [SPEAKER_02]: And I still, I had no idea what it meant, like literally nothing about it.

31:41 [SPEAKER_02]: I just knew what I needed to do.

31:42 [SPEAKER_02]: So like from there what I ended up doing is actually like I knew before I could be a coach, I needed to get coaching.

31:50 [SPEAKER_02]: So after that, I started looking for a coach, I started getting coaching, I started getting results for myself because I didn't want to coach anybody who strategies I didn't apply to my own life.

32:00 [SPEAKER_02]: So I needed to experience it for myself.

32:04 [SPEAKER_02]: And after I did that, the coach who coached me ended up starting teaching coaches.

32:09 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, this is perfect.

32:10 [SPEAKER_02]: This is exactly what I want to do.

32:12 [SPEAKER_02]: And I jumped on the opportunity as soon as I was free enough to ended up having some babies in between.

32:17 [SPEAKER_02]: So that kind of derailed some things, but eventually got my training with my coach.

32:21 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was it, you know, and I lived happily ever after.

32:27 [SPEAKER_01]: You were talking about like some of the things that you felt that you applied to your own life.

32:32 [SPEAKER_01]: What are those things?

32:33 [SPEAKER_01]: Tell me.

32:34 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to know.

32:35 [SPEAKER_02]: A lot of, yeah.

32:36 [SPEAKER_02]: I'll tell you it.

32:38 [SPEAKER_02]: Ask a friend.

32:41 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, the biggest thing, the biggest piece was just noticing how my emotions were ruling my life and how the biggest one was shame.

32:52 [SPEAKER_02]: Shame was just like just getting in there and ruining everything because I was making everything mean something bad about who I am as a person instead of just like what it is to be a human.

33:05 [SPEAKER_02]: And those stories just got so big they just became suffocating and gotten the way of any positive step I wanted to take.

33:12 [SPEAKER_02]: So just unraveling that was really really interesting and I had to be honest like when I first started with ADHD coaching.

33:21 [SPEAKER_02]: I was not expecting what I got.

33:23 [SPEAKER_02]: I really thought ADHD coaching must be like, okay, what's your goal?

33:26 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's break it down.

33:27 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's build some steps.

33:28 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's set up some accountability and it wasn't that at all.

33:31 [SPEAKER_02]: Because if that worked, it would have worked by now.

33:32 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, like, we know all the tips and tricks.

33:35 [SPEAKER_02]: We're resourceful.

33:36 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

33:36 [SPEAKER_02]: We're resourceful.

33:38 [SPEAKER_02]: We've done the research.

33:38 [SPEAKER_02]: We've read the books like we know.

33:40 [SPEAKER_02]: We know when that's the most frustrating part is we freaking know.

33:44 [SPEAKER_02]: And the thing that I was realizing is like it wasn't, it wasn't the knowledge.

33:51 [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't, I had a surplus of knowledge, but my emotions were getting in the way of accessing that knowledge.

33:56 [SPEAKER_02]: There was dread, there was shame, there was embarrassment, there was fear.

34:01 [SPEAKER_02]: And once I got to field those things and examine the stories behind them,

34:08 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, oh, wait, that's literally not true.

34:10 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I'm actually not a terrible person or I'm actually in control of how long this is going to take me.

34:18 [SPEAKER_02]: This is not, you know, cleaning my house doesn't have to rule my life.

34:20 [SPEAKER_02]: I actually get to decide on things like this.

34:23 [SPEAKER_02]: Then I became more empowered and better able to implement all of the things I already knew how to do.

34:32 [SPEAKER_02]: Or open two things that I didn't actually know how to do because I was also just so embarrassed that I didn't if I learned you information, I would the shame would just sweep over me.

34:41 [SPEAKER_02]: I should have known this.

34:43 [SPEAKER_02]: That's story.

34:44 [SPEAKER_02]: I should have known this.

34:45 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we're good.

34:47 [SPEAKER_01]: Bro, I mean, it doesn't happen in a vacuum, right?

34:53 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that is also, you know, so much of this reprogramming and reframing is like, who says so, right?

35:04 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, where did that come from?

35:05 [SPEAKER_01]: What is that about?

35:06 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's so exhausting sometimes, but it's true.

35:10 [SPEAKER_01]: Like you said, you know, I feel like a lot of coaching clients think

35:15 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to go and then this coach is going to give me the one tool that's going to solve everything.

35:19 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's going to make me a calmer, more organized, happier person.

35:27 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's like exactly like you said, if we can work on what's why you are feeling like you aren't a calm, happy person, then that tool is going to work.

35:38 [SPEAKER_01]: But the tool is not going to turn you into, it's not going to fix here or turn you into that version of yourself.

35:45 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a hard sell sometimes.

35:47 [SPEAKER_02]: It totally is.

35:48 [SPEAKER_02]: Because I understand it.

35:49 [SPEAKER_02]: Like we do want the tips and tricks, right?

35:51 [SPEAKER_02]: Like sometimes people come to us and the stakes are really high.

35:53 [SPEAKER_02]: We want like instant results.

35:56 [SPEAKER_02]: Instant results.

35:56 [SPEAKER_02]: Again, because of ADHD, right?

35:58 [SPEAKER_02]: Because we do not have like the working memory to see small pieces of progress.

36:02 [SPEAKER_02]: We don't have the self-awareness to notice small little change.

36:04 [SPEAKER_02]: So we need to be a completely different person yesterday in order for us to actually notice, right?

36:09 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, basically.

36:11 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, and it's so frustrating.

36:13 [SPEAKER_02]: So I get it.

36:14 [SPEAKER_02]: I understand why people have the impatience for that kind of thing because it is really hard to think that those little changes out up because it doesn't give you the dopamine that you really want or that are brain really needs.

36:27 [SPEAKER_02]: But there's ways to change that.

36:29 [SPEAKER_02]: There's ways to work with your brains so that those little changes become bigger celebrations and you actually allow them to be as big as they really are.

36:38 [SPEAKER_02]: And there was another thought that I had that just like flew right out of my head.

36:48 [SPEAKER_01]: What are those little moments that you love when you are working with a coaching class?

36:54 [SPEAKER_02]: I just I love those moments where you're able to like reflect back a thing that they said In like the perfect words for them in a way that where you can see like nobody has ever gotten it the way I just got it for them right now.

37:09 [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?

37:09 [SPEAKER_02]: They're like oh my god.

37:10 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

37:11 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

37:11 [SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

37:12 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh my god because we've been so much of our life things so misunderstood

37:18 [SPEAKER_02]: or being so minimized.

37:20 [SPEAKER_02]: So to have a person, like, say back to you and validate your experience, it's just such a beautiful thing.

37:29 [SPEAKER_02]: It's so nice to see that wash over their face, they're like, wow, they get it.

37:33 [SPEAKER_02]: It's really powerful.

37:35 [SPEAKER_01]: And to validate, but also normalize and take away any of that judgment, too.

37:41 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's so important or really just so helpful for being able to move forward and say like, okay, yeah, like I don't, this is morally neutral.

37:51 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't have to feel bad about this, but you know, I'd like to figure out a way to get it done.

37:56 [SPEAKER_01]: But I, you know, once you're not kind of in the quicksand of emotional intensity, it becomes a lot easier to do that.

38:04 [SPEAKER_02]: Totally.

38:05 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I love those moments and those moments also when people start acknowledging their own accomplishments.

38:15 [SPEAKER_02]: I love when clients come to sessions and they're like, okay.

38:19 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to give you an update and they like go through like things that they've done and they just like are glowing when they're or when you can tell them like things that you notice they've changed like oh my god I didn't even know that but you're totally right.

38:31 [SPEAKER_02]: I am doing that like when you notice that shift in their brain is now filtering in the positive.

38:38 [SPEAKER_02]: Not just the negative which was like usually it's pretty nasty fault.

38:43 [SPEAKER_02]: That's really really cool.

38:44 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, no that's such a great point.

38:47 [SPEAKER_01]: I do love that when it's like

38:49 [SPEAKER_01]: Those gentle reminders that, you know, it's been three months.

38:52 [SPEAKER_01]: You've actually made a tremendous amount of progress.

38:55 [SPEAKER_01]: And here's what I'm seeing as opposed to, like, let's focus on one more thing that needs to be tweaked or.

39:02 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I, you know, I feel like we're, that's our default state is, okay, that's right.

39:08 [SPEAKER_01]: That's good.

39:09 [SPEAKER_01]: That's fine.

39:10 [SPEAKER_01]: What's wrong?

39:11 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, let's focus on what's wrong.

39:13 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

39:14 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

39:14 [SPEAKER_01]: So that is a nice fun part about switching.

39:18 [SPEAKER_02]: The other thing, I just thought it's like the banter.

39:20 [SPEAKER_02]: It's just so fun.

39:21 [SPEAKER_02]: Like to talk to another ADHD or when you're like, you know, just got like the back and forth.

39:26 [SPEAKER_02]: It's just so fun.

39:27 [SPEAKER_02]: It's just so fun.

39:29 [SPEAKER_02]: The ways the places that their brains go.

39:31 [SPEAKER_02]: But that, of course, they come up with the way they like have to process things to understand it and the whittiness is just fun.

39:37 [SPEAKER_02]: It's just fun group of people.

39:39 [SPEAKER_02]: This true.

39:39 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

39:41 [SPEAKER_01]: And finally, up next is Lindsay Buchanan, who lives in the Orlando area with her family.

39:46 [SPEAKER_01]: Lindsay actually reached out to me after she received her coaching certification.

39:50 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm so glad she did because I could tell immediately that she was the kind of thoughtful and curious and deeply caring person that makes the best kind of ADHD coach.

39:59 [SPEAKER_01]: I've so thrilled to have her on the team and I can't wait for you to get to know more about her personal ADHD journey in the future.

40:05 [SPEAKER_01]: For now, here is my conversation with Lindsay.

40:08 [SPEAKER_01]: I would love to hear from you, Lindsay, about like, what got you into ADHD coaching?

40:15 [SPEAKER_01]: What made you think that this was the next step for you?

40:19 [SPEAKER_04]: Wow, that's a great question.

40:21 [SPEAKER_04]: It's a long, it has been a long path for me.

40:25 [SPEAKER_04]: It always is.

40:29 [SPEAKER_04]: How do you succinctly tell this long past story?

40:32 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I would say it's really been a lifelong journey for me to get to myself doing ADHD coaching.

40:41 [SPEAKER_04]: Okay, I guess there's two parallel stories to tell.

40:46 [SPEAKER_04]: So I myself have ADHD and I was undiagnosed though.

40:52 [SPEAKER_04]: I never knew that until like maybe I'm guessing five or six years ago.

40:56 [SPEAKER_04]: I'm not sure exactly exactly the D that I figured this out.

41:00 [SPEAKER_04]: So I was probably about thirty five.

41:02 [SPEAKER_04]: I think when I got my own diagnosis.

41:06 [SPEAKER_04]: So

41:07 [SPEAKER_04]: I had been wanting to do something in addition to my career path that I was on pretty much ever since I started on that career path after graduating college.

41:20 [SPEAKER_04]: So about, you know, I graduated in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in,

41:26 [SPEAKER_04]: just settled work in two thousand ten in a corporate job like a eight to five office setting where everybody sits at their desk and works at their computer from eight to five.

41:40 [SPEAKER_04]: And so that was very challenging for me to work that long in that type of environment and like sit still for that long of the day.

41:50 [SPEAKER_04]: See focus for that much of the day.

41:54 [SPEAKER_04]: It was very challenging and like I did it and I feel like I did a good job.

42:01 [SPEAKER_04]: You know, everybody would always give me positive feedback that I was doing a good job.

42:06 [SPEAKER_04]: But I always felt like there was way more that I wanted to be doing and I couldn't figure out how to do whatever that was.

42:14 [SPEAKER_04]: I didn't know what it was.

42:16 [SPEAKER_04]: I didn't know if it was like a different job or a different path that I just

42:22 [SPEAKER_04]: And I didn't really even know what I would be good at or, you know, how to go about pursuing something different.

42:29 [SPEAKER_04]: So I pretty much thought about that and like considered different paths for honestly about, I have to do the math, but like, fifteen years.

42:41 [SPEAKER_04]: Because I also, you know, started a family, had children, cut back my hours to help raise the children when they were babies.

42:52 [SPEAKER_04]: You know, for a little while, I thought, oh, maybe being a mom is that thing for me.

42:56 [SPEAKER_04]: I still do that.

42:58 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I go to the library and I'm like, I want to be a librarian.

43:02 [SPEAKER_01]: It looks really cool.

43:03 [SPEAKER_04]: My Marian was one of the things I thought about actually.

43:09 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I feel like that's sort of that ADHD like excitability.

43:13 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, it is and kind of like a not feeling content with what I have like always thinking like I think there's something more but I don't know what it is and so I would like seriously consider different things like library and I seriously consider and I like interviewed my mom my mom was a teacher so she let me like chat with the librarian at her school

43:36 [SPEAKER_04]: I want to even go down to explain all the different career paths and school options that I've considered and apply to.

43:44 [SPEAKER_04]: I've gone back and done prerequisites and applied to graduate programs and then decided not to go multiple times.

43:54 [SPEAKER_04]: over those fifteen years okay and then what happened is my sister realized we all have we most of us in my family likely have ADHD and she let me know hey Lindsay like

44:10 [SPEAKER_04]: I think we have ADHD, just like, you know, it's genetic.

44:13 [SPEAKER_04]: Our dad has it clearly.

44:15 [SPEAKER_04]: We were all like, oh, definitely.

44:17 [SPEAKER_04]: But this was it first time somebody had ever said that to me.

44:21 [SPEAKER_04]: I had never considered that I would have ADHD.

44:25 [SPEAKER_01]: And your sister is a psychologist, by the way.

44:27 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

44:28 [SPEAKER_04]: So it's her field, but she, I mean, the reason she looked into it and researched it was for her son, she had the young son.

44:35 [SPEAKER_04]: And that was the first, you know, she was intrigued by his behavior and like did all this research about ADHD and realize, oh, it's genetic and started like putting these pieces together.

44:48 [SPEAKER_04]: And so

44:50 [SPEAKER_04]: That set me on a path of learning all about ADHD and getting my own diagnosis and realizing, oh my goodness, like.

44:59 [SPEAKER_04]: Now, when I look back at my life, all of these things that were confusing to me about my own story, like things that didn't fit together very well, or like questions I had about myself about my own character, like, why was this so hard for me?

45:15 [SPEAKER_04]: Or why was this part of my life so, like, extreme compared to other people?

45:22 [SPEAKER_04]: Why did I act like that at that stage?

45:24 [SPEAKER_04]: I felt like the ADHD diagnosis helped me finally understand myself so much better and be like okay this was why like this was the missing thread that was woven into everything.

45:42 [SPEAKER_04]: of my life up to that point.

45:44 [SPEAKER_04]: And so it was fascinating to learn about ADHD.

45:48 [SPEAKER_04]: So that was when I got the idea of maybe ADHD coaching would be something that I would enjoy because

45:57 [SPEAKER_04]: it would be meaningful and it would be fun.

46:01 [SPEAKER_04]: And I am a people person, like I really like interacting one-on-one with people.

46:07 [SPEAKER_04]: And so I thought I could use my natural strengths and like, hone this.

46:14 [SPEAKER_04]: And I felt like I could do a good job at this job.

46:17 [SPEAKER_04]: And I could enjoy it, which was kind of a first to put those two things together.

46:23 [SPEAKER_04]: So that's how I got interested in it.

46:27 [SPEAKER_01]: And how is it going?

46:29 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you're our newest certified graduate on the team.

46:35 [SPEAKER_01]: How has it been going?

46:38 [SPEAKER_04]: It's going really well.

46:39 [SPEAKER_04]: Like I love the coaching.

46:43 [SPEAKER_04]: I love coaching.

46:44 [SPEAKER_04]: That's the thing.

46:46 [SPEAKER_04]: I feel energized when I meet with people and I'm able to listen and be a witness to their experiences and their story.

46:55 [SPEAKER_04]: And I feel like if I feel like I can shed some light on like something about their ADHD and like

47:04 [SPEAKER_04]: we can think through together like a way to support them or a way to accept something that maybe in the past they felt like they couldn't shouldn't accept about themselves.

47:17 [SPEAKER_04]: That kind of like self-acceptance and self-discovery growth is really exciting to me.

47:24 [SPEAKER_04]: So I love it.

47:27 [SPEAKER_04]: That's the part that I really, really love.

47:29 [SPEAKER_04]: I think the part that was harder for me than I realized it would be was like,

47:34 [SPEAKER_04]: creating technical type stuff, or like, I don't really do any social media.

47:40 [SPEAKER_04]: So that part, I'm like, that's not like my natural strengths to start with, but that's okay.

47:49 [SPEAKER_04]: The coaching is my favorite, and that's really what I'm trying to do.

47:53 [SPEAKER_04]: So I'm happy that that's aligned.

47:58 [SPEAKER_01]: What are some of the things that you love about working with clients or those moments that you're just like, ah, it lights you up?

48:07 [SPEAKER_04]: I mean, of course I love anytime there's a light bulb moment where you feel like you can see the wheels turning and then just holding the space.

48:18 [SPEAKER_04]: And I love that I can hold the space for that.

48:21 [SPEAKER_04]: And then when a client kind of has that light bulb moment of

48:27 [SPEAKER_04]: Oh, maybe I could try this there, you know, or they like reframe something that they've been having some stink and thinking about is what I call it.

48:38 [SPEAKER_04]: Stinking thinking I like that.

48:41 [SPEAKER_04]: Like reframe and realize, you know, that it's not a bad thing that it's a normal ADHD symptom or something like that.

48:49 [SPEAKER_04]: So

48:50 [SPEAKER_04]: That is definitely energizing to me, but you know, I really just love honestly like being a witness to each person's whatever it is that they want to share with me.

49:03 [SPEAKER_04]: It feels sacred almost during that time to hold the space for somebody else to share whatever it is that is on there.

49:13 [SPEAKER_04]: mind or their heart for that day and to be able to for them to feel safe enough to share it and for me to feel like I can hold this space for it and accept it and and then whatever happens happens but I think just that process of that space feel feel sacred to me honestly of just meeting another person where they are and like hearing about what their experiences and

49:43 [SPEAKER_04]: being a witness to it feels really special.

49:47 [SPEAKER_01]: I love the way you put that.

49:49 [SPEAKER_01]: It's true.

49:49 [SPEAKER_01]: It is so healing.

49:51 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I always use now that I'm in therapy school.

49:55 [SPEAKER_01]: I use all of my therapy terms, but I'm like, it is there is something so curative about

50:02 [SPEAKER_01]: listening and like you said like having somebody just share and being vulnerable and not being judged right and not feeling like you know not feeling that shame and or at least exploring that and then having you know that you're able to say I relate I totally I believe me I've lived it and

50:21 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, just normalize it.

50:23 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's really just, yeah, I think it's, I could never say this for myself because it's easier to just say it about other people.

50:30 [SPEAKER_01]: But I'm like the way you're able to change lives through your work is so rewarding and

50:38 [SPEAKER_01]: All right, I'll say it about myself, because I love it's so it's so rewarding.

50:43 [SPEAKER_01]: It is one of the most, you know, other than maybe putting two kids on this planet, like I feel like it's just so, uh, yeah, you're getting me all emotional though, like it's really, really, it's just very special.

50:56 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

50:57 [SPEAKER_04]: And I think too, even to think about like the ripple effect is huge too, because you mentioned families and children and it's like, oh my gosh, I didn't even, sometimes I don't even think about that.

51:07 [SPEAKER_04]: Like what they may take away and then share with their family or their loved ones or their friends or their children is, it's like, yeah, I like that feeling of like putting good out and imagining it going out in ripples.

51:25 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, right?

51:26 [SPEAKER_01]: That's another one too that I find can be really difficult to think about when you're contemplating coaching because I think a lot of people think that coaching is going to be more like, you know, Lindsey's going to show me that thing that's going to fix everything.

51:42 [SPEAKER_01]: So just show me the thing.

51:43 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's get it over with.

51:45 [SPEAKER_01]: And that it feels more transactional than it is.

51:48 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, no, no, no.

51:50 [SPEAKER_01]: Your life is going to change quite dramatically and it's you're going to do all the work and I'm going to sit and encourage you.

51:59 [SPEAKER_01]: Alright, well as I said earlier, I am so excited to be growing this team and to see what the future holds for women and ADHD.

52:07 [SPEAKER_01]: I've got one more year of my internship before I graduate and become a practicing therapist in the state of New York.

52:13 [SPEAKER_01]: So stay tuned for more updates about that.

52:16 [SPEAKER_01]: In the meantime, you can find out more about this fabulous team of ADHD coaches.

52:21 [SPEAKER_01]: over at women and ADHD.com slash coaching.

52:25 [SPEAKER_01]: And of course at women and ADHD.com, you can also find all sorts of free, downloadable resources, recommended readings.

52:32 [SPEAKER_01]: Myself guided course, Hay is ADHD and much, much more.

52:37 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you again for listening.

52:38 [SPEAKER_01]: I hope some of this resonated and I will be taking a break for the rest of the summer, but we will be back with a brand new episode of Women in ADHD, the first Monday of September, until then take care.

52:57 [SPEAKER_01]: There you have it!

52:57 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for listening, and I really hope you enjoyed this episode of the Women and ADHD podcast.

53:03 [SPEAKER_01]: If you'd like to find out more about me and my coaching programs, head over to women and ADHD.com.

53:08 [SPEAKER_01]: If you're a woman who was diagnosed with ADHD and you'd like to apply to be a guest on this podcast, visit women and ADHD.com slash podcast guest, and you can find that link in the episode show notes.

53:19 [SPEAKER_01]: Also, you know we ADHDers crave feedback.

53:22 [SPEAKER_01]: And I would really appreciate hearing from you, the listener.

53:25 [SPEAKER_01]: Please take a moment to leave me a review on Apple podcasts or audible.

53:28 [SPEAKER_01]: And if that feels like too much and I totally get it, please just take a few seconds right now to give me a five-star rating.

53:35 [SPEAKER_01]: Or share this episode on your own social media to help reach more women who maybe have yet to discover and lean into this gift of neurodivergency.

53:43 [SPEAKER_01]: And they may be struggling and they don't even know why.

53:46 [SPEAKER_01]: I'll see you next time when I interview another amazing woman who discovered she's not lazy or crazy or broken but she has ADHD and she's now on the path to understanding her neurodivergent mind and finally using this gift to her advantage.

53:59 [SPEAKER_01]: Take care till then!